To my friends and passagers, this article is just some expression of my current emotion.
Very heavy and blue. If you couldn't imagine of this part of me please just dismiss this article.
給我的朋友跟過客，這篇文章是在表達一部份我目前的情緒。
有點沈重跟憂鬱，如果你從沒想過要看到這部分的我，請自動跳過閱讀這篇文章！
- This article will be also posted on my another blog.
I am not joking. Cause I am really getting tired!
After years working and studying, I feel more and more clear what I want.
I want "LIFE" but not "LIVE".
Though it is only one letter different but the meaning for me is totally different.
I want to have a simple life style but not have a complex living way.
When I lived in Utrecht, I have to admit it is abit boring there.
It is because not so many different entertainments and friends there.
I missed my friends in Taiwan and my family.
But I have to say. During the period of time, I felt what life means first time.
I did not study all day long but organised to study for while and look for something else to do.
I could have a nice breakfast with friends in a nice cafe.
There were always someone would love to join; or you could go by yourself as well.
I went shopping for foods and other necessity; washed my own laundry every week.
Almost cooked every day for myself and sometime invited some friends to join me.
Reading, music, films can be played or just to do it.
Going out to somebody's house for dinner or picnic aside of a lake or castle is not that hard.
Of course, parties for fun and relax were always so popular and easy.
I felt relax and realised one thing: this is life.
When I move back to Taipei and live with my parents like the time before I went to Europe.
In the first few months, everything was nice as well.
I could feel my parents love and care all the time.
Though they started to tell me about their expectation, and how they think I should settle down.
To find an stable job and have a regular living way.
It was ok cause I knew they were going to say so.
They are my parents and all parents want their children can have a better or stable life.
I totally understand that.
However, since time passed by. Few months after and after,
Like the old times when I was below 18 (or maybe I shoudl say even after 18 until I went abroad),
they start to demand me follow their living behaviour again:
Going to bed earlier
Do not going out in the evening (specially not over midnight)
Eat when meal is ready (even you are not hungry at all)
...etc.
To be honest, I also knew this would happend before I came back to Taiwan.
But I thought maybe this time the situation will be different.
They are my parents, I love them. And I am almost 30 years old and grow up already.
They should understand me and will allow me to do what I want.
Trust me and totally support me. Maybe sometime discuss with me.
BUT not like in the old time, keep telling me what they think is good for me and what I should do.
I don't wanna say a word in the past 6 months but it's getting worse and worse now.
I felt more and more pressure coming to me.
They are not the pressure from myself but were give by my parents.
I can accept many kind of pressures, can be challenge of work and target set by myself.
BUT not like this!! These pressures I don't even want to have or bear.
They don't even belong to me!
I am not a bad guy. However I have to confess that I am not very smart, organised, or behaved.
Lazy this word has following me for few years already.
But at least the things I want to do I always try to keep them to be done on time or on schedule.
If I can well organise my time and arrange things I want to do.
Why will I need someone to put a finger front of me and say lots of meaningless word to me.
"TIME" concern is the biggest issue between me and my parents.
I disagree with what they said I should be on bed before midnight.
I know it is good but it doesn't mean it is my habit.
At least I know I never really late for working or any appointment in the next day.
Then why sleep before midnight will be so important.
For the same reason, "Do not go out late or come home after midnight cause you need to go to bed"
Why? What does that mean? Don't you think that I should have right to choose when to go to sleep?
This is so ridiculous~
Dear mom and dad, I love you so much.
You are the reasons for me to keep thinking of stay in Taiwan or Asia.
Why will we need to argue for the different time concerning between you and me?
The promise I did said that I won't get up late for working or any appointment I did.
The late sleeping I will also try to cover the sleep back so I wll have enough sleeping time.
Can you please think of not to yell or argue with me just because of this?
You always use this as a key point and to emphasise that everything I did is wrong.
You are right and I have to follow what you say.
My dear parents, nothing will be 100% correct or wrong.
Only how do people think about it.
I believe, late to go to bed or going out late are not a bad thing.
I am with my friends and I won't get any trouble in the night.
Cause I am a peaceful person.
Please trust me and have the faith of me.
Your son is a nice person and he has his own thought.
Give him some respect and space.
He will show you more his abilities.
I want some space for myself to have my own "LIFE".
NOT just living for working, eating, and staying with family.
Can somebody tell me how to do so?
Or fighting with parents is the only option.
I am tired of explaining to them and have to bear the abuse all the time.
Maybe, moving back to europe or go to China is a good idea.
